ODE TO SWGOH (VER. 1)

Spooderham · January 6, 2019 9:29AM

Ode to SWGOH (Parody)
SWGOH.
You’ve made it to 85, congratulations, what’s next?
Well with the tutorial over its time for the real test.
And should the years of long hard farming grant you no rest,
This ode to SWGOH will show you why it’s best,
To close the app immediately and delete this undying pest.

For this is the game that never dies, that pulls you back in,
That makes the water boiling hot and throws your money in,
There is never enough time, never too many means,
Never any way of ending this horror on a screen.
What terrors these are I cannot keep in my mind for long,
Before I lose my sanity and join the madmen in song.

(2x speed)
Too much to see, too much to do,
The veteran players know its true,
You will play ‘til you’re blue,
And your wallet knows it too,

Raids, Legendaries
Trump and Hillary,
The Rancor and the ST,
And don’t forget the HAAT,

Shard Store, Galactic War,
The Mafia in Squad Arena,
Raid Shipments, Pain Inflictment,
GMT’s Callous Conviction.

Zetas, Omegas,
This nightmare forever,
The endless farm, the caused self-harm,
And the acronyms: HIJKLMNOP

For when you think you’re done,
There’s always more ‘fun’
In SWOH’s Galaxy,

Mods, Levels, I-don’t-care-vels,
Gear and Abilities,
Spam Metas and Mol Elizas
Factions and Rarity,

There is too much synergy
For all the players in the galaxy,
And TD visuals are the Dev Team’s AD.
And banning cheaters – hehehe!

This galaxy is unfair,
For the lost players out there,
The ones with rigged shards, the ones whose games are hard,
And their best toon is a 1-star Ugnaught.

For when you think you’re done,
There’s always more ‘fun’
In SWOH’s Galaxy,

Territory Battles decided by Combat Power,
Shipments that reset every 6 hours,
Silver white metas that melt into springs,
These are all my least favourite things!

Play for Pain, Pay and Gain, more than you know,
Strategy is gone, and EA knows,
An IAP, that gets you nothing,
These are all my least favourite things!

Spamming Bronzium cards one at a time,
JKR teams all of the time,
Mythics that are worthy of serious pants-****,
These are all my least favourite things!

And just when you think you’re done,
There’s always more ‘fun’
In SWOH’s Galaxy,

So now you see my rant,
Of tried and true demands,
Will this madness ever end,
Is EA foe or ‘friend’?
From the Dark Side I sing,
And I tell you but one thing,
In the words of One Famous Wookiee,
“OOurosudoeauoorrrurorusrouraoroarroaroreroooroouourroar-
Ouroeur rururu ourouour ruhuhrpouoho
Ouroeuoh ouh o oooooooo uuuuu oruaueoru’
(Translation- This sack of flour is such an unfinished cake –
EA wants to publish it with 1 IAP after you buy the cake to buy the actual cake.)
Delete the game immediately!