Is my idea better than the current 9th movie? (Second Draft)

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I had an idea from a forum post I made. Here is a much better version of the 9th movie that I came up with. I know the movie came out a while ago at this point, but I still had some ideas I wanted to expand upon. This is the second version by the way. My first version is in a previous poll in the forum section. Why am I wasting my time doing this? I want to make a point.



- As the war between the First Order and the Resistance escalates, the Resistance finds itself loosing many soldiers at the hand of Kylo Ren and his personal servants, the Knights of Ren. As news of the Resistance's defeats spread throughout the galaxy, more and more worlds begin to submit to the First Order.

- After the killing Supreme Leader Snoke, Kylo Ren has completely taken on the role as Supreme Leader of the First Order, however he feels that his power is not at its potential.

- Kylo Ren becomes consumed with his obsession of being as powerful as Vader. While meditating, he is unable to communicate with the former sith lord, something that he has never been able to do anyways.

- Out of frustration and anger, he ignites his lightsaber and cuts the helmet's podium in half, destroying Vader's helmet. He shakes with anger, and begins to repeatedly stomp on the helmet.

- Kylo Ren leaves his chamber and tells one of the Knights of Ren, who was standing outside his chamber, to prepare his ship.


- Kylo Ren seeks out the wreckage of the death star to find Vader's lightsaber or some kind of object owned by Vader. He climbs his way to the remnants of the Emperor's throne room, however even there he cannot sense anything that has a force connection to Vader.

- He turns his attention to the throne briefly, feeling something strange calling him to it.

- Kylo Ren hears a lightsaber ignite behind him. He ignites his, and turns around to block an incoming attack. Stunned, he immediately realizes that it is Darth Vader.

- Vader ends the lightsaber clash by using his lightsaber to push Kylo backwards onto the ground at the foot of the Emperor's throne. Kylo Ren is visibly afraid.

- However, Kylo realizes that this is a trick, and exclaims to the fake Vader, "You are not real! You are dead. This place, it is strong with the dark side, but not because of my grandfather. You are something else.".

- Vader lets out a metallic laughter, which turns into an old man's cackle. Vader suddenly becomes a black sludge that melts onto the ground. As he melts, the fake Vader unsuccessfully lunges towards Kylo, Palpatine's cackle still coming from his mouth.

- The puddle of sludge moves behind the throne and disappears. Palpatine's laughter can still be heard echoing throughout the remnants of the throne room. Kylo asks who he is, and Palpatine responds by saying "someone far more powerful than the traitor who you seek".

- A shadowy force ghost of Palpatine appears to Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren turns off his lightsaber and says, "Tell me."

- Palpatine claims that he can help Kylo Ren become far more powerful than Vader ever could.

- He instructs Kylo to take his cane with him back to Kylo's throne room in the First Order command ship. Kylo retrieves it from the staircase leading up to the throne. Kylo does what Palpatine said, bringing the cane back to his throne room on the command ship.

- There, Palpatine becomes his secret military advisor, only appearing when Kylo is alone. Palpatine slowly begins to corrupt Kylo and causes him to go much further into the dark side.


- At the Resistance base, Rey, Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, and BB-8 are sent on a special mission by Leia to a distant world to gain intel on First Order battle plans.

- Leia reminds Rey that the First Order is becoming more powerful every day, to which Rey reassuringly responds by telling Leia that "I will be fine. Besides, I repaired Luke's lightsaber" (which she says while showing it to Leia). Rey says goodbye to Leia, and promises that they will be back soon.

- Rey, Finn, and BB-8 board the Millennium Falcon while Poe and Chewbacca prepare to pilot the ship.

- As Leia watches from the landing area of the base, the Millennium Falcon enters hyperspace.


- In the throne room of the First Order command ship, Kylo Ren is informed by General Hux that they may have found the location of the main Resistance base, although Hux says that it could be a false lead.

- In Kylo's head, Palpatine whispers "You can sense it. He is uncertain. Your powers will be far more precise than the machines of these useless fools."

- Kylo orders Hux to have the command ship go to the planet the base is suspected to be on, but wait for his command before starting the invasion.

- Hux, eager to terminate the Resistance, questions Kylo Ren's motives for this order. He claims that Kylo's "feelings for the girl are interfering with the mission and the task at-hand".

- Kylo, enraged, force chokes Hux, lifting him into the air. However, Kylo Ren releases his force choke and Hux falls to the ground gasping for breath. Kylo tells Hux to never question his motives again, and Hux submissively says, "It will be done my lord". Hux leaves the throne room.

- Once Hux leaves, Kylo brings Palpatine's staff, which is on an alter on one side of the throne room, to his private chamber. he places it on the podium (the part of it left at least) that Vader's helmet once was on. Kylo, speaking to Palpatine, says, "show me".


- Kylo personally leads his Knights of Ren and a small military force to destroy the resistance.

- He catches the Resistance off guard; his command ship hovers over the base, preventing any escape. Leia sees the command ship overhead, and from it several transport ships and multiple First Order Tie fighters emerge.

- Leia orders a Resistance leader to get everyone into escape pods to retreat off world. However, the landing platforms where the escape pods were located are destroyed by the First Order Tie fighters. The transport ships land, and a massive battle begins.

- Leia is told to retreat inside, as is C-3P0.

- Several Resistance X-Wings are piloted to combat the Tie fighters. R2-D2 is on one of these X-Wings. The X-Wings however, are quickly outnumbered and blown-up. The pilot of the X-Wing that R2-D2 was on exclaims, "Where is Poe? We need him!" through the intercom. Another pilot exclaims through the intercom, "He isn't here! We will need to do this on our own!".

- One by one, the X-Wings are destroyed, including the one that R2 was on.

- Kylo's personal shuttle lands in the base, and out of that ship emerges Kylo and the Knights of Ren.

- Kylo and his Knights of Ren slaughter the resistance troops, quickly defeating the outside forces. Kylo orders the Knights of Ren to search the perimeter for "the girl and her crew". He tells the Knights of Ren to bring her to him, but kill everyone else that they find.

- Then, Kylo feels another presence in the base: Leia. He goes inside the base.


- Leia, C-3P0, and two Resistance soldiers enter an underground portion of the base. However, the two soldiers begin to rise into the air, gasping for air. Kylo enters the room as the two soldiers fall to the ground dead.

- C-3P0 exclaims, "Oh dear!", and Kylo cuts him down while moving towards Leia. About five or so feet away from her, he stops. They look directly at each other.

- When Kylo encounters his mother, he raises his blade at her to strike her down. He hesitates though, when she says his name (Ben). He begins to lower his blade.

- However, Palpatine's voice can be heard in Kylo's head telling him, "Kill her". Kylo raises his lightsaber again, but cannot bring himself to do it.

- Kylo then hears Palpatine's voice in his head again, this time more agitated, saying, "Weak! Fine, I'll do it". A force noise can be heard (the noise when Vader is about to force choke someone), and Kylo's arm raises and strikes Leia down.

- Kylo is shocked by what has just happened. Sensing the death of his mother through the force as well as seeing her in front of him, Kylo drops his lightsaber and falls to his knees.

- Rey also senses her death, and this shared sadness causes them to see each other through a force-link (when they could see each other in the 8th movie).

- Rey is stunned by what she sees, and tries to strike Kylo down with her lightsaber. A shadow grabs the blade of the lightsaber, however, and ends the link. Kylo and Rey both feel that their force link has been destroyed.


- On the Millennium Falcon, Rey tells Poe (who is piloting the Millenium Falcon) that they need to return to the base immediately. When Poe asks why, she says that the base has been taken. BB-8 lets out a sad droid cooing noise.


- Kylo's only focus is now finding Rey, whom he is informed by one of the Knights of Ren has not been found after a perimeter sweep of the entire base.

- Kylo orders the Knight to round up the rest of the Knights of Ren and find Rey's location somewhere in the galaxy.

- Kylo exits the base with the Knight, and outside of the base he orders several First Order stormtroopers with flamethrowers to incinerate the base.

- Kylo watches the base erupt into flames, then he says "we are done here". Kylo and his troops retreat to their command ship, which enters hyperspace

- The command ship exits above Coruscant, the current capital of the First Order.

(This is where I stopped editing, I need ideas to improve)


- When Rey, Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, and BB-8 later return to the base in the Millennium Falcon, they find it burned to the ground. They find Leia's skeletal remains (what happened to Luke's uncle and aunt in the 4th movie), and after they mourn, Rey buries Leia's remains. Finn says that this has to be the work of the First Order, and they set off to do whatever they can to defeat it.

- Realizing that they are completely alone, they begin to argue on the Millennium Falcon. However after arguing for a while, Luke's voice can be heard yelling "Stop!".

- Force ghost Luke appears to them and convinces them to continue to work together, and that not all hope is lost. He also tells them that the opportunity to end the First Order is nearer than it has ever been. He tells them that "the force has been and will continue to be with you, always", and disappears.

- Poe asks what Luke meant by the opportunity to end the First Order being nearer than ever. Right after he asks this, the Millenium Falcon shakes violently, and they rush to the cockpit where they realize that they are about to be boarded by the Knights of Ren ship. Seeing the First Order symbol on it, they realize that they have been captured.

- They try to hide, but after the Knights of Ren board the ship, they realize that they are going to be found and killed.

- Rey realizes that being captured may be the best way to reach Kylo Ren. She quickly reveals herself right before the Knights find Chewbacca, Finn, and Poe. They capture her and leave the ship stranded in the middle of space, not realizing that Chewbacca, Finn, and Poe are all still on-board.

- After the Knights take Rey, who goes with them without putting up a fight, and leave the ship. Finn runs to the cockpit and watches the ship go into hyperspace. Poe then pilots the ship to try to follow them and rescue Rey, and sends the Millennium Falcon into hyperspace.

- Kylo Ren, in his throne room, is informed by General Hux and one of the Knights of Ren that Rey has been captured. Kylo angrily asks if the rest of her crew has been captured as well. The Knight says that he was only told to find the girl.

- Filled with an uncontrollable rage, Kylo Ren uses force lightning (thus showing how powerful in the dark side Palpatine has made him) to kill the Knight.

- He than orders Hux to find them immediately, and then he will kill Hux too. As Hux leaves in a panic to find Rey's crew, Palpatine's laughter can be heard echoing throughout the throne room.

- Poe pilots the Millennium Falcon to the command ship, but realizing that the Millennium Falcon stands no chance against it, lands on Coruscant in search of a First Order vessel that can get them past the command ship's security. They land outside of a First Order military base located in the city, and they attempt to break in and steal a First Order ship.

- By this point, Rey is brought to Kylo. One of the stormtroopers that brought Rey to the throne room gives Kylo Ren Luke's lightsaber. Kylo orders both of the stormtroopers that brought in Rey to leave the room.

- Kylo takes off his helmet, and it becomes clear that he is very sleep-deprived. His eyes have turned yellow, just like the eyes of the sith.

- Rey sarcastically asks Kylo if he wanted to offer his hand again. Kylo shout, "Where are they!", fully consumed by his anger due to Palpatine's influence on him. He begins to force choke Rey while having her float over to him, where he tells her that he is "done playing games".

- Poe and Finn capture two patrolling First Order stormtroopers outside the base and put on their armor. Chewbacca and BB-8 are told to stay in the ship, and make sure that it isn't captured while they are gone.

- They get past the guards of the military base, and are able to get into two First Order Tie fighters and leave to the command ship. After being questioned over a speaker by a First Order officer, they are permitted to land inside a hanger in the command ship.

- There, they sneak into the detention center and discover that Kylo Ren has ordered that she be taken directly to him.

- Poe and Finn are questioned by an officer in the detention center, and after the officer realizes they are lying to him, he sounds an alarm.

- A shoot-out begins between the two resistance members and a battalion of First Order stormtroopers.

- Rey, after refusing to give Kylo the information he wants, is struck by his force lightning and thrown to the ground.

- Palpatine's voice can be heard echoing throughout the chamber, laughing and encouraging Kylo to give in to his anger. Kylo draws his lightsaber. Rey uses the force to grab Luke's lightsaber, and they engage in a duel. Palpatine can be heard laughing hysterically in the background.

- Kylo quickly gains the upper hand, and begins to use his force lightning on her, which she desperately tries to block.

- When Rey seemingly is about to be defeated, Palpatine suddenly stops laughing, and hisses, "You!". Both Kylo and Rey feel Luke's presence. Kylo stops his force lightning, and they both momentarily stop fighting.

- Force ghost Luke reveals himself, and tells Rey that Kylo has been consumed by the dark side because of Palpatine.

- Kylo shouts that Luke has no power over him anymore, since he is dead. Luke reminds Kylo that so is Palpatine. Kylo then says, "then try to stop me!".

- Kylo resumes his force lighting on Rey, and when Luke tries to use the force to block it, a shadowy force ghost of Palpatine shoots force lighting at Luke.

- Poe and Finn, having defeated the first wave of stormtroopers, try to destroy the hyperdrive reactor of the command ship as a last ditch effort of stopping the First Order. Poe, who suggests the plan, is reminded by Finn that Rey is still on the ship.

- Poe asks, "what choice do we have?". After calming himself down, Finn says "she will make it, I can feel it". They set off to the hyperdrive reactor of the ship, hoping that destroying it will cause the ship's systems to fail and the ship along with it.

- Rey, while blocking Kylo's force lightning, begins to move closer to him, and he ignites his lightsaber again. Kylo stops the lightning, and begins to clash lightsabers with Rey.

- Force ghost Palpatine, while shooting his force lightning at force ghost Luke, mockingly tells him that his father is no here to save him anymore. Palpatine also tells Luke that he will erase his existence and connection to the force from the galaxy.

- Palpatine intensifies his force lightning and Luke begins to be overwhelmed by it until he is no longer able to block it. He is electrified by the full power of force ghost Palpatine's lightning, and slowly begins to fade out of existence.

- Realizing that he can no longer protect himself from Palpatine's lightning, he decides to use the force to do the same to Palpatine. He tells Palpatine that there is no saving himself this time, and that a true Jedi is willing to lay down their life (in this case his existence) to stop evil.

- Realizing what is occurring, Palpatine shouts "No!", and continues his lightning assault even harder. Both Palpatine and Luke begin to fade out of existence as they continue to attack each other. Palpatine shrieks, and both Palpatine and Luke are faded out of existence.

- Rey, distracted by the destruction of Luke, shouts, "No!" and Kylo stabs her in the stomach. With Palpatine gone, Kylo connection to the dark side is severely weakened and he turns off his lightsaber. Rey crumbles to her knees, and Kylo catches her.

- As this is happening, Poe and Finn are seen fleeing the hyperdrive reactor as it explodes, running to the hanger bay.

- Tears in his eyes, Kylo apologizes for everything that he has put them through, and that she is going to live. Rey, weakly, calls him Ben Solo, a name that he hasn't been called in a long time.

- Emergency sirens are heard, and Ben Solo picks Rey up, and begins to carry her to his personal shuttle.

- At the hanger bay, Finn and Poe see Ben Solo trying to carry Rey to his shuttle. They rush over to him, pull out their guns, and tell Ben Solo to hand her over. An explosion occurs in the hanger, and the Tie fighters that Finn and Poe piloted are destroyed by debris.

- Ben begs them to help him bring her on his shuttle, and that he is not their enemy. Seeing no other option, they reluctantly agree, all of them taking off in the shuttle.

- Just after they leave, the command ship explodes, the wreckage of it crumbling into the abandoned factories on Coruscant (the ones where Dooku met Palpatine in the end of the 2nd movie).

- Thus, the First Order has fallen, most of its top officials have been killed on board (aside from Ben, who no longer deems himself a part of the First Order).

- Poe pilots the shuttle away from the planet as Finn tends to Rey. As Ben Solo takes a seat in the shuttle, he takes off his cape, revealing that a piece of scrap metal from the explosion is lodged in the side of his back.

- Realizing that his time is nearly up, he stumbles over to Rey, who is barely alive, and gives her one last hug before they both die together.

- As both Finn and Poe watch, Rey and Ben both disappear, becoming one with the force.

- Tears in their eyes, Poe and Finn have no choice but to keep moving forward. They land the shuttle on Coruscant and return to Chewbacca and BB-8 in the Millennium Falcon. They all mourn Rey's death, but know that the war is over.

- They leave in the Millennium Falcon, having finally freed the galaxy from the terror of the sith and the First Order.

Replies

  • Any suggestions for the parts that I did not edit are welcome. As long as I can make a better version of the 9th movie in half the time or less, my point has been made.
  • TVF
    26705 posts Member
    You can't.
    The CGDF is recruiting. Say hi in our Discord! https://discord.gg/AmStGTH
  • TVF wrote: »
    You can't.

    Is that a compliment or critique?
  • Nihion
    3095 posts Member
    One key difference: Disney isn’t your overlord, making you fulfill certain requirements.

    Also, anything can be “better” or “worse” from a certain point of view.
  • TheChild_eats_eggs1
    498 posts Member
    edited December 2020
    NO. Not good. Not good at all. Sorry for the negativity, but you destroyed Star Wars more than TROS for me. Force Ghosts are like enlightenment, as we saw, no Sith achieved becoming force ghosts, but some could stop themselves from dying, e.g. Darth Sion. Second, you basically made it, no one wins. So FO are gone, Resistance are gone, that's an empty plot hole. This movie is meant to end the Skywalker Saga, not be a movie that ends on a cliff-hangar. Look at ROTJ and ROTS, they have a clear end. Star Wars Skywalker Saga is made of 3 trilogies: each have a beginning (ep1, ep4, TFA); a middle (ep2, ESB, TLJ); and an end (ROTS, ROTJ, TROS). You made a middle.

    My view on TROS: you cannot make it better without TLJ rework (Snoke doesn't die). I like the Hux betrayal, but that was because Kylo, Hux, and Phasma were the FO triumvirate as such, and then Phasma died giving Hux more power, and then Kylo broke it, making Hux feel like his recently gained power was stolen. This is all because Snoke died. So, Snoke needs to stay alive to fix the mess. :)

    Hope my criticism helps you. Redraft TLJ, then try again with TROS.

    @mInEcRaFtEr0617 I don't mean to seem like I hate your draft. I just think you can't make something better than TROS that sticks to law unless you change TLJ.
    My discord - BabyYoda#4470 My swgoh.gg - https://swgoh.gg/p/648565123/
  • TVF
    26705 posts Member
    TVF wrote: »
    You can't.

    Is that a compliment or critique?

    It's a dose of reality (probably).
    The CGDF is recruiting. Say hi in our Discord! https://discord.gg/AmStGTH
  • NO. Not good. Not good at all. Sorry for the negativity, but you destroyed Star Wars more than TROS for me. Force Ghosts are like enlightenment, as we saw, no Sith achieved becoming force ghosts, but some could stop themselves from dying, e.g. Darth Sion. Second, you basically made it, no one wins. So FO are gone, Resistance are gone, that's an empty plot hole. This movie is meant to end the Skywalker Saga, not be a movie that ends on a cliff-hangar. Look at ROTJ and ROTS, they have a clear end. Star Wars Skywalker Saga is made of 3 trilogies: each have a beginning (ep1, ep4, TFA); a middle (ep2, ESB, TLJ); and an end (ROTS, ROTJ, TROS). You made a middle.

    My view on TROS: you cannot make it better without TLJ rework (Snoke doesn't die). I like the Hux betrayal, but that was because Kylo, Hux, and Phasma were the FO triumvirate as such, and then Phasma died giving Hux more power, and then Kylo broke it, making Hux feel like his recently gained power was stolen. This is all because Snoke died. So, Snoke needs to stay alive to fix the mess. :)

    Hope my criticism helps you. Redraft TLJ, then try again with TROS.

    @mInEcRaFtEr0617 I don't mean to seem like I hate your draft. I just think you can't make something better than TROS that sticks to law unless you change TLJ.

    I had no idea about the force ghost thing, I just wanted to at least keep Palpatine in it without having him be alive. If I spent more than an hour on it, I would have probably thought of your Darth Sion example and would have reworked some things.

    Also, I killed off both the Resistance and the First Order because I low-key kinda hate them both. They represent Disney milking Star War's fanbase of their wallets by taking old ideas (the Rebellion and the Empire) and then turning them into the same thing but with new names (the Resistance and the First Order). It was my way of "flushing-out" the trash that Disney pirated and plagiarized. I also killed off Rey because she wins every fight, which is a MAJOR no-no for the "hero" of any film. You cannot connect with a character that always gets their way no matter what happens to them. She was only that way for plot convenience, but still she had to go.

    I hated the Hux betrayal, mostly because they played it out in such child-like acting (such as Poe Dameron's "I knew it!" when Hux reveals himself). It also felt so unbelievable.

    Honestly, I agree with what you said about TLJ. Honestly, it wasn't just Snoke's unnecessary death, it was the WHOLE movie. It was awful. Nothing good came from it. They ruined Luke, brought us Canto-Bite (or whatever the planet is called), that purple haired lady who was annoying start to finish, that whole Lightspeed-battering-ram plothole, etc etc. Disney should have just fired both Kathaleen Kennedy and Rian Johnson after they saw their product, but unfortunately neither were fired. I dont feel like rewriting the entire TLJ script, so I will just do my best with what I can work with in TROS.

    Thank you for the criticism, and I see where you are coming from when you say it.
  • Nihion wrote: »
    One key difference: Disney isn’t your overlord, making you fulfill certain requirements.

    Also, anything can be “better” or “worse” from a certain point of view.

    I am just re-writing this to show how easy it is to make a better script for TROS. I have spent maybe 4 hours total writing this so far, not including the several week breaks I have been taking to do other things. I am not being forced to write this, and I never said I was.
  • Episode 7 was a copy of Episode 4. 8 was a train wreck and 9 was pandering to fans to try to get some back on board. Scrap the sequel trilogy and start over. Keep JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson from anything remotely Star Wars and hand reins over from Kennedy to Favreau and Filoni. That’s my opinion. 9 can’t be fixed.
  • Episode 7 was a copy of Episode 4. 8 was a train wreck and 9 was pandering to fans to try to get some back on board. Scrap the sequel trilogy and start over. Keep JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson from anything remotely Star Wars and hand reins over from Kennedy to Favreau and Filoni. That’s my opinion. 9 can’t be fixed.

    Like the idea. Ahsoka involved and Grogu. This ould pan out to involve so many good characters. The Jedi order could still be intact. The first order unknown. Could take place ~5-8 years after Mando. New Republic settled. First Order grouped on Exegol etc. etc.
    My discord - BabyYoda#4470 My swgoh.gg - https://swgoh.gg/p/648565123/
  • Episode 7 was a copy of Episode 4. 8 was a train wreck and 9 was pandering to fans to try to get some back on board. Scrap the sequel trilogy and start over. Keep JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson from anything remotely Star Wars and hand reins over from Kennedy to Favreau and Filoni. That’s my opinion. 9 can’t be fixed.

    Like the idea. Ahsoka involved and Grogu. This ould pan out to involve so many good characters. The Jedi order could still be intact. The first order unknown. Could take place ~5-8 years after Mando. New Republic settled. First Order grouped on Exegol etc. etc.
    My discord - BabyYoda#4470 My swgoh.gg - https://swgoh.gg/p/648565123/
  • Your storyline isn’t much better than what’s currently through 7-9. I’d rather have every idea from the 3 movies scrapped.
  • Your storyline isn’t much better than what’s currently through 7-9. I’d rather have every idea from the 3 movies scrapped.

    Keep in mind that I have spent a collective 4 hours writing this. If I put in the time that J. J. Abrams put into his trash, I could probably make something much better
  • Episode 7 was a copy of Episode 4. 8 was a train wreck and 9 was pandering to fans to try to get some back on board. Scrap the sequel trilogy and start over. Keep JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson from anything remotely Star Wars and hand reins over from Kennedy to Favreau and Filoni. That’s my opinion. 9 can’t be fixed.

    Agreed! Filoni would be much better suited for Kathleen Kennedy's position!
  • Nihion
    3095 posts Member
    Your storyline isn’t much better than what’s currently through 7-9. I’d rather have every idea from the 3 movies scrapped.

    Keep in mind that I have spent a collective 4 hours writing this. If I put in the time that J. J. Abrams put into his trash, I could probably make something much better

    I repeat: Abrams needed to fulfill certain Disney requirements.

    I personally don’t think that any movie, unless it included Luke brutally murdering every character that super fans hate, would have satisfied the fan base. I think the most vocal fans would always be angry; whereas casual fans will continue to enjoy what Disney gives them. But if you really want to up Abrams in quality, you’re going to have to rewrite the first two movies as well.
  • TVF
    26705 posts Member
    Your storyline isn’t much better than what’s currently through 7-9. I’d rather have every idea from the 3 movies scrapped.

    Keep in mind that I have spent a collective 4 hours writing this. If I put in the time that J. J. Abrams put into his trash, I could probably make something much better

    Everyone says this about everything they don't like.
    The CGDF is recruiting. Say hi in our Discord! https://discord.gg/AmStGTH
  • Kyno
    27456 posts Moderator
    nope, it is in no way better. (1st draft, second, all the way out to 99th and beyond)

    I can assure you that in no way would you be able to make a "full idea", which includes a lot more than just "some notes" that you are throwing together in a post, that makes a movie quicker (or better) than JJ, or likely any professional director.

    it may seem like all they do is sit in a chair, but much like any job done at that level there is more to it than you may realize and its harder than it looks.
  • No offense, because I'm sure you put effort into this, but I find this plot to be so much worse than the real Episode 9.

    You seem to have defined "better" as "take everything Disney did and completely destroy it", which is...bizarre to say the least, given that most of your plot is taking your out-of-universe grievances with the sequels and doing a complete u-turn in universe even if it results in a nonsensical story.
    Episode 7 was a copy of Episode 4. 8 was a train wreck and 9 was pandering to fans to try to get some back on board. Scrap the sequel trilogy and start over. Keep JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson from anything remotely Star Wars and hand reins over from Kennedy to Favreau and Filoni. That’s my opinion. 9 can’t be fixed.

    Agreed! Filoni would be much better suited for Kathleen Kennedy's position!

    Yea let's make Dave Filoni the President of Lucasfilm! A position where he'd have to spend most of his time on the business aspects of things and be less involved in the everyday decisions behind the shows' stories...

    Weird how people love to hate on Kathleen Kennedy for the sequels while ignoring the fact that she's a producer of every live action Star Wars media since the Disney acquisition...which includes The Mandalorian...
  • Kyno wrote: »
    nope, it is in no way better. (1st draft, second, all the way out to 99th and beyond)

    I can assure you that in no way would you be able to make a "full idea", which includes a lot more than just "some notes" that you are throwing together in a post, that makes a movie quicker (or better) than JJ, or likely any professional director.

    it may seem like all they do is sit in a chair, but much like any job done at that level there is more to it than you may realize and its harder than it looks.

    To be fair I took 4 hours to make this. I may finish it in the future if I feel like it. I fully agree that professional directors are far more experienced and capable than me when it comes to writing a movie script, however I feel like this movie in particular had a lot of issues and I wanted to try to fix them.

  • Do not let these wet blankets ruin your enthusiasm. Keep using your imagination to come up with something better. There is nothing wrong with building your own story, one that build on what you love about the Star Wars universe. You are doing well, these are ideas to be encouraged, not discredited. And yes, critiqued even ... which is what you are hoping for here.

    You are doing better than I am with my own head canon. I have ideas that I think are way better than what we were given, especially regarding the prequels. I do not seem to have the talent or experience to express it in words, but no matter, I know in my head how the story should go ... and so do you. The trick is writing it down, and you have a very good start here.

    I love that you are trying to make the story better. What we were given in the sequels was unsatisfying, and you are trying to offer ideas that might fix it. It is a worthwhile project. My own opinion is that the sequels need a complete rework over all the episodes, 7 through 9. Ep7 was not terrible, much too derivative of course, but interesting. Ep8 was a wreck and I do not even care about Ep9. So maybe think about an entirely new storyline. Sure, use Rey, use the Knights of Ren, First Order has possibilities, Resistance is dumb from the beginning, whatever. Or maybe go a completely different direction.

    Keep up the good work. Build your stories and see where they take you, it can be fun.
  • Oh ... and Sith spirits are already a part of Star Wars. They may be fundamentally different from Jedi force ghosts, but the idea is sound.
  • No offense, because I'm sure you put effort into this, but I find this plot to be so much worse than the real Episode 9.

    You seem to have defined "better" as "take everything Disney did and completely destroy it", which is...bizarre to say the least, given that most of your plot is taking your out-of-universe grievances with the sequels and doing a complete u-turn in universe even if it results in a nonsensical story.

    I agree. The resistance probably shouldn't be destroyed, and I have ideas to have them "win". Another reason why I killed off both the resistance and the First Order was because I didn't feel like working on the plot anymore . I definitely need to take more time on this.


    I am also going to post my response to the rest of what you said in a seperate thread since it is kind of off topic and my post is very long with it included. I will post it in this sub forum.
  • Oh ... and Sith spirits are already a part of Star Wars. They may be fundamentally different from Jedi force ghosts, but the idea is sound.

    So it is cannon? Is it possible that you could give me anything to search up that way I can make Palpatine's force ghost more cannon-friendly? Some of the things I put in, such as their ability to physically influence the real world, seemed kind of iffy for me. Thanks :)
  • Oh ... and Sith spirits are already a part of Star Wars. They may be fundamentally different from Jedi force ghosts, but the idea is sound.

    So it is cannon? Is it possible that you could give me anything to search up that way I can make Palpatine's force ghost more cannon-friendly? Some of the things I put in, such as their ability to physically influence the real world, seemed kind of iffy for me. Thanks :)

    I can try ... sith spirits were in the KOTOR games, if I recall correctly. In some old 90s-era novels, I believe Luke ran afoul of a sith spirit in his attempts to create a Jedi academy. However, both of those examples were dismissed as non-canon "legends" when Disney bought the franchise. But in the last season of The Clone Wars, one of the final episodes, Yoda encountered the spirit of Darth Bane. To Yoda, the encounter was a passing annoyance, no cause for concern, but the spirit could conceivably corrupt a lesser Jedi.

    Just do a Google search for "sith spirit" and let the interweb do it's wonderfully webby job. Read the stuff in the Wookieepedia. And do not be overly concerned about limiting yourself to only established abilities. Star Wars is always adding new stuff ... discovering new Force abilities is part of the fun. Just build up your ideas from what we already know and try to build a bit of lore; a good written story will give some explanation how the ability manifests from what was previously established.

    On the other hand, Disney does not seem to feel the need for explaining these things. Crazy Force ghost Yoda just showed up and incinerated a tree with no explanation how he could suddenly interact with the real world. If ghost Yoda can electrocute a tree, I see no reason why spirit Palpatine cannot electrocute a person ... or even another ghost! Why not. I don't particularly like that, personally I would discard that bit of the story. No ghost fights (with people or other ghosts), I prefer the vision/hallucination/corruption/possession type of influences. At any rate, ghosts interacting with the real world was established as canon, so go ahead and run with it. You do your story.

    By the way ... canon and cannon are two different things. Canon is the word you are looking for.
  • Nihion
    3095 posts Member
    Do not let these wet blankets ruin your enthusiasm. Keep using your imagination to come up with something better. There is nothing wrong with building your own story, one that build on what you love about the Star Wars universe. You are doing well, these are ideas to be encouraged, not discredited. And yes, critiqued even ... which is what you are hoping for here.

    This is well spoken, some of the best advice you’ll find here.
  • Oh ... and Sith spirits are already a part of Star Wars. They may be fundamentally different from Jedi force ghosts, but the idea is sound.

    oh ok
    My discord - BabyYoda#4470 My swgoh.gg - https://swgoh.gg/p/648565123/
  • Do not let these wet blankets ruin your enthusiasm. Keep using your imagination to come up with something better. There is nothing wrong with building your own story, one that build on what you love about the Star Wars universe. You are doing well, these are ideas to be encouraged, not discredited. And yes, critiqued even ... which is what you are hoping for here.

    You are doing better than I am with my own head canon. I have ideas that I think are way better than what we were given, especially regarding the prequels. I do not seem to have the talent or experience to express it in words, but no matter, I know in my head how the story should go ... and so do you. The trick is writing it down, and you have a very good start here.

    I love that you are trying to make the story better. What we were given in the sequels was unsatisfying, and you are trying to offer ideas that might fix it. It is a worthwhile project. My own opinion is that the sequels need a complete rework over all the episodes, 7 through 9. Ep7 was not terrible, much too derivative of course, but interesting. Ep8 was a wreck and I do not even care about Ep9. So maybe think about an entirely new storyline. Sure, use Rey, use the Knights of Ren, First Order has possibilities, Resistance is dumb from the beginning, whatever. Or maybe go a completely different direction.

    Keep up the good work. Build your stories and see where they take you, it can be fun.

    LISTEN TO THIS. Btw @EventineElessedil just write a TL;DR at the end for those who may not have the time to read long messages :).
    My discord - BabyYoda#4470 My swgoh.gg - https://swgoh.gg/p/648565123/
  • TVF
    26705 posts Member
    there's nothing wrong with this until you proclaim you can do better than professional director x or y without breaking a sweat
    The CGDF is recruiting. Say hi in our Discord! https://discord.gg/AmStGTH
  • Kyno
    27456 posts Moderator
    TVF wrote: »
    there's nothing wrong with this until you proclaim you can do better than professional director x or y without breaking a sweat

    this.

    I love and read a bunch of fan fiction. its great and can really add to the universe we all love, but when it turns to personal jabs at people trying to professionally do the same, it takes away from the art.
  • FerociousPanda
    50 posts Member
    edited January 6
    Crazy Force ghost Yoda just showed up and incinerated a tree with no explanation how he could suddenly interact with the real world. If ghost Yoda can electrocute a tree, I see no reason why spirit Palpatine cannot electrocute a person ... or even another ghost! Why not. I don't particularly like that, personally I would discard that bit of the story. No ghost fights (with people or other ghosts), I prefer the vision/hallucination/corruption/possession type of influences. At any rate, ghosts interacting with the real world was established as canon, so go ahead and run with it. You do your story.

    If force ghost Obi Wan sitting down on a log isn't an indication that force ghosts can and could already interact with the real world then I don't know what is
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